#throwback – My diary entry as a first year teacher (Rated Slightly Cringy)

The other day I was joking with my boyfriend about having to print an FAQ at the back of my T-Shirt for the upcoming Chinese New Year season. It’s the time when family members meet and questions start rolling in. I don’t mind them, but I figured that having to repeat myself a dozen times about why I left my job, what I’m doing now, what I plan to do, what I’m interested in, when are we getting married (don’t ask me…) and so forth, would be slightly less than pleasant.

Incidentally, I was looking through my diary entries from 2012 and found this:

These weeks have been testing and trying. I find that now, I actually understand what they mean by students will always be encapsulated in the age of innocence. Because out here now, I can feel the tenacity of the actual world. Gosh. Somebody should have told me that everything I grew up knowing wasn’t real.

That was me during my first year of teaching. If I hadn’t read that, I would probably not remember how lost I felt at that time. I would compare it to being given a map without labels, trying to navigate and drive at the same time with the speed of the car not being within my control and yet having to get to the destination on time somehow. But then again, the 2012 version of me was a kidult who just had 2 wisdom teeth taken out and braces put in.

I’ve spent my entire life in school. Yet, I realise that I barely know it.

What a eureka moment for me, discovering that I have to unlearn and relearn. Being on the other side of the classroom took some getting use to. It’s funny how that was a whole new world to me then, and a tiny fraction of the sky to me now. I conclude that I have grown, indeed. *So proud & thank goodness 😅

Thank you universe, for the people around me who seem to know all the right things to say, all the right things to do, and have all the chocolates to share. SO THANKFUL for the people who are around me, always reaching out to hold me afloat.

One thing that hasn’t changed though, is how grateful I still feel all the time for the people who were there for me. They still are, even though I’m no longer working with them. I’m sure I could go running back to them crying and they would still welcome me with open arms – no judgement, just love.

Sometimes, when we beat ourselves up for a few bad days/mistakes, we ought to look at how much progress we’ve made and the transformative lessons learnt. Take time to be grateful, and let some things go. Also, eat lots of chocolates.

What was the first year of work like for you? If you cringe at how much of a noob you were, it’s a good sign that you’ve gotten better. 🙂 Have a great break everyone! Huat Ah! 😂

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